Post-Holiday Reflection: The Power of the Not-To-Do List
You made it through the holiday season. My sincere wish for you is that it included moments of joy, connection, and warmth with loved ones. Across cultures and beliefs, this season is meant to invite kindness, generosity, and togetherness into our lives, a time to slow down and savor what truly matters.
Yet for many people, the holidays bring something very different: stress, busyness, emotional overload, and unrealistic expectations. Now that the frenzy has passed and the quieter winter months are settling in, this is a meaningful time to pause and reflect. What worked for you over the holidays? What didn’t? What brought genuine joy, and what quietly (or loudly) drained you?
When the Holidays Trigger Anxiety and Perfectionism
After the holidays, I met with a client who shared how overwhelmed she felt. Her husband had been sick, her children were busy with friends, and her in-laws were coming for dinner. Despite everything, she placed immense pressure on herself to make sure every gift was purchased and wrapped, the house was spotless, and the meals were impressive.
By the end of it all, she felt exhausted, let down, and disillusioned. Her husband was still unwell and irritable, and the family came and went without the appreciation she had hoped for. In her experience, her efforts felt invisible and disregarded, even though she couldn’t truly know how others perceived her work.
The Inner Loop of “Never Enough”
As she spoke, something important emerged. Much of the stress she experienced came from within. She was in therapy for anxiety and perfectionism, and she noticed how deeply she cared about what others thought. At her core was a familiar belief: I am never enough.
Her intention for the holidays had been to rest, enjoy time with family, and recover from the demands of her work as a teacher. Instead, her reality was anxiety, self-criticism, irritability, sleepless nights, and emotional exhaustion. She then judged herself for feeling this way, adding another layer to her distress.
This is how the cycle continues. Stress fuels self-judgment, which fuels more stress. Over time, these patterns become habits of thought. Through the lens of neuroplasticity, we understand that repeated mental loops strengthen neural pathways, reinforcing anxiety and perfectionism until they feel automatic and inescapable.
A Gentle Shift: Creating a Not-To-Do List
This is where something shifted. Together, we introduced the idea of a Not-To-Do List.
My client recognized that her family could feel the stress she was carrying. Rather than adding more pressure for the next holiday season, she chose to reflect on what truly mattered and what she wanted to let go of. She involved her family in the process, allowing everyone to have a voice in creating a holiday that felt calmer and more joyful.
If involving others feels possible, that can be a beautiful step. If not, creating a list for yourself alone can be just as powerful.
A Compassionate Holiday To-Do List
To-Do:
- Slow down and breathe.
- Be mindful of your stress levels and your need for quiet after busy periods.
- Allow yourself to enjoy the season—you deserve rest and joy just as much as anyone else.
The Not-To-Do List (Where Freedom Lives)
Not-To-Do:
- Do not expect everything to please everyone.
- Do not buy gifts simply for the sake of buying gifts.
- Do not take responsibility for buying gifts for others; they can manage that themselves.
- Do not agonize over finding the “perfect” gift.
You get the idea. Protecting your mental health is not selfish – it’s essential.
Simplicity as a Path to Peace
I often return to a simple belief: Life is simple; we make it difficult. We overthink, over-plan, and over-worry, especially during emotionally charged seasons like the holidays.
I invite you to take some time now, when things are quieter, to create your own to-do and not-to-do list. Involve family or friends if that feels supportive. Make it colourful and creative if you’re visually inclined. Record it if speaking feels easier. Or sit quietly with a warm cup of tea and write a simple list.
The intention is not perfection. The intention is to take all the energy once spent worrying and gently redirect it toward reflection, self-compassion, and proactive care for the year ahead.
If you recognize yourself in this reflection and would like support in breaking cycles of anxiety or perfectionism, psychotherapy can help. Please reach out and explore working together with a 15-minute consultation.
Below is a short meditation to get you started.
Short Guided Reflection / Meditation (3–4 minutes)
A Post-Holiday Pause
Take a moment to settle into a comfortable position.
If it feels safe, gently close your eyes or soften your gaze.
Begin by noticing your breath,
not changing it, simply allowing it.
Inhale… and exhale.
As you breathe, acknowledge that the holidays are over.
Whatever they were for you, joyful, painful, exhausting, lonely,
you made it through.
Silently say to yourself:
I am here now.
Notice any tension you’re still carrying in your body.
Perhaps in your shoulders, your jaw, your chest.
With each exhale, imagine softening just a little.
Now bring to mind one thing from the holiday season that felt heavy.
No judgment. Just noticing.
And gently say: I did the best I could.
Next, bring to mind one small moment, however brief, that brought warmth or relief.
Let that memory rest in your awareness.
As we close, place a hand on your heart and remind yourself:
I am allowed to let go. I am allowed to choose peace.
Take one more breath in… and out.
When you’re ready, return.