Let’s Talk About Judgment: How to Work with Your Inner Critic, Mindfully
Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, defines mindfulness as:
“Paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.”
That last part — non-judgmentally — is what we’re focusing on today. Because if we’re honest, judgment is always right there, whispering in our ear (and sometimes shouting in our face). It’s not something we can just turn off. But what we can do is change our relationship with it.
The Mind’s Constant Commentary
Have you ever really listened to your own mind? It’s like having a sports commentator in your head, narrating everything you do, but instead of cheering you on, it’s usually offering opinions, critiques, and comparisons:
- I’m not good enough.
- People are judging me.
- I’m a fraud.
- I don’t deserve it.
Sometimes the tone is soft and sneaky. Other times, it’s loud and harsh.
Nathaniel Branden once said:
“Of all the judgments we pass in life, none is more important than the judgment we pass on ourselves.”
And isn’t that the truth? We often judge ourselves far more harshly than we’d ever judge someone else.
When Judgment Takes Over
A little judgment has its place. It’s part of what helps us stay safe and make decisions.
But when it’s running on overdrive, everything starts to feel like a threat. This is when the mind falls into black-and-white thinking: good/bad, right/wrong, like/hate, with no space in between. It’s exhausting.
Like lugging around a suitcase full of rocks. And without realizing it, we start reacting automatically to these judgments, letting them shape our mood, our choices, and even how we see ourselves.
Mindfulness and the Judging Mind
Here’s the thing: you don’t have to stop judging.
Trying to stop it is like trying not to think of a pink elephant; it just makes it stronger.
Instead, try being an impartial witness.
When you notice judgment, simply acknowledge it:
“Judgment is here.”
And that’s it. No adding another layer of judgment about the judgment:
“Oh, I judged… I shouldn’t judge… what’s wrong with me?” That spiral is what I call judging the judging. And it’s one of the fastest ways to tumble down the rabbit hole.
Putting Down the Suitcase
What if you could let each moment be exactly what it is, without labeling it as “good” or “bad”? That’s the heart of the non-judgmental attitude in mindfulness. It’s not about being passive or ignoring reality. It’s about seeing things clearly, without the mental weight of constant criticism. When we put down the suitcase of rocks, there’s space to breathe. Space to respond instead of react. Space to feel lighter.
A Gentle Practice: RAIN
RAIN is a simple mindfulness tool for moments when judgment is loud:
- Recognize — Notice when judgment appears.
- Allow — Let it be there without pushing it away.
- Investigate — Curiously explore what’s underneath it.
- Nurture — Offer kindness instead of criticism.
And if you catch yourself judging the judging? Smile. Really. A little humor can break the cycle in an instant.
Closing Thought
Judgment is part of being human. You can’t shut it off completely — and you don’t need to. That changes everything is learning to see it for what it is: a passing thought, not an ultimate truth. When you notice it, name it, and gently return to the present moment, you loosen its grip. And in that space, you can live, love, and be exactly who you are — without waiting for your inner critic to give you permission.